I wrote this when I got home from my Graduation day ceremony.
I think I know myself, so I know what I think of it. It's too formal and tacky for my liking. I just wanted to have fun there with some of my close friends. I am kind of an introvert (not too sociable but get along well with my group of friends) so didn't want to meet all those people I went to college with and say banal things like " how are you doing?", "how's your city? (how do I answer that?)" etc. But these things had to happen and I did my best to seem gregarious, was diplomatic, participated in those trite conversations and cracked a few lame jokes to ease the conversation along.
For some people this day is a momentous occasion in their lives and I am truly happy for them. It is difficult to pass those exams amidst financial constraints, that nagging feeling of inferiority and also trying to secure a job with some of the skills that they have managed to learn while in college. To come out of it in flying colours is a wonderful achievement of which they should be proud of and I for one, was happy to see some smiling faces and emotions. For me though, it is entirely different, I was lost in college, managed to pick the brains of some of my "enlightened" friends and am grateful for those who helped me along by exposing me to some of the intelligent stuff (movies, tv shows, books, stand ups). But somehow, I thought I underperformed in college, not in terms of grades, but in my overall development, social skills and etiquette. Most of the blame is on me, some of it is on my peer group and the rest on the college - faculty and management. Due to all those misgivings about my college life, I viewed this day not as a day of achievement but as one of failure. Maybe this is why I kept complaining about the tacky robes and the overall organization of the ceremony.
The only thing I was happy about was that my closest friends are exactly like me when it comes to shit like posing for photographs and marinating in nostalgia. They took off their robes handed it back and coolly pocketed the 200 rs that was refunded, which is exactly what I was doing at the next table. After that, we came out, witnessed Nanban like scenes - people posing for photos, hugging their parents and all that stuff. I simply didn't feel pride or a sense of achievement, maybe because I am a buzzkill or really a sad loser who wasted his potential in college. Either way, I was dispassionate about the whole thing. One thing I did understand was that I like my close friends and impressed by the no nonsense attitude of Anirudh Ganguly.
Back home, Game night with Vishal did take my mind off all this, what with that impressive display of character and resolve by Spurs to beat City and the 2-2 draw bet Chelsea and Liverpool. Day after day am getting better at understanding myself. And it has been 3 days off facebook (checking notifications here and there; didn't take more than 1 min for each visit), and it feels good. Hope I can keep this up.
About last night, this Richard Dawkins God Strikes Back videos have made delve deep into my belief system and about being an Agnostic Atheist. I think I might reach the "age of reason" sooner than I thought.
One more thing (kinda like Steve Jobs eh?) , I have to get on Pinterest and pin the countries and places I want to visit in the future.
About tomorrow, I am actually excited since something new/crazy might just happen. I want to live happily- though not possible all the time- that is the ideal I am going to strive for, because frankly, I don't see any other way of living.
I think I know myself, so I know what I think of it. It's too formal and tacky for my liking. I just wanted to have fun there with some of my close friends. I am kind of an introvert (not too sociable but get along well with my group of friends) so didn't want to meet all those people I went to college with and say banal things like " how are you doing?", "how's your city? (how do I answer that?)" etc. But these things had to happen and I did my best to seem gregarious, was diplomatic, participated in those trite conversations and cracked a few lame jokes to ease the conversation along.
For some people this day is a momentous occasion in their lives and I am truly happy for them. It is difficult to pass those exams amidst financial constraints, that nagging feeling of inferiority and also trying to secure a job with some of the skills that they have managed to learn while in college. To come out of it in flying colours is a wonderful achievement of which they should be proud of and I for one, was happy to see some smiling faces and emotions. For me though, it is entirely different, I was lost in college, managed to pick the brains of some of my "enlightened" friends and am grateful for those who helped me along by exposing me to some of the intelligent stuff (movies, tv shows, books, stand ups). But somehow, I thought I underperformed in college, not in terms of grades, but in my overall development, social skills and etiquette. Most of the blame is on me, some of it is on my peer group and the rest on the college - faculty and management. Due to all those misgivings about my college life, I viewed this day not as a day of achievement but as one of failure. Maybe this is why I kept complaining about the tacky robes and the overall organization of the ceremony.
The only thing I was happy about was that my closest friends are exactly like me when it comes to shit like posing for photographs and marinating in nostalgia. They took off their robes handed it back and coolly pocketed the 200 rs that was refunded, which is exactly what I was doing at the next table. After that, we came out, witnessed Nanban like scenes - people posing for photos, hugging their parents and all that stuff. I simply didn't feel pride or a sense of achievement, maybe because I am a buzzkill or really a sad loser who wasted his potential in college. Either way, I was dispassionate about the whole thing. One thing I did understand was that I like my close friends and impressed by the no nonsense attitude of Anirudh Ganguly.
Back home, Game night with Vishal did take my mind off all this, what with that impressive display of character and resolve by Spurs to beat City and the 2-2 draw bet Chelsea and Liverpool. Day after day am getting better at understanding myself. And it has been 3 days off facebook (checking notifications here and there; didn't take more than 1 min for each visit), and it feels good. Hope I can keep this up.
About last night, this Richard Dawkins God Strikes Back videos have made delve deep into my belief system and about being an Agnostic Atheist. I think I might reach the "age of reason" sooner than I thought.
One more thing (kinda like Steve Jobs eh?) , I have to get on Pinterest and pin the countries and places I want to visit in the future.
About tomorrow, I am actually excited since something new/crazy might just happen. I want to live happily- though not possible all the time- that is the ideal I am going to strive for, because frankly, I don't see any other way of living.
